[ this is one of those lessons khlyen could never make stick with her: do not care for others. don't love them, don't be friends with them. use them. kill them, hurt them if you have to, but do not ever care. it'll make you weak, it'll make you soft.
there's a horribly soft part inside her, warm and molten because of johnny jaqobis and his softness, the way he wants to help and help and help, all give and no take. (johnny's learned to take now and dutch has learned to give and it works.) she can turn that part off, of course she can, but -- she doesn't always.
when it comes to those that are hers, she doesn't. ]
Ouch. [ it's a reminder of failure to stick to khlyen's lessons and the little girl who wanted to make her tutor proud is genuinely hurt. scared of the repercussions.
the woman she's become? not so much. ] No need to get insulting.
[Might not want to leave yourself open. It's not about that. He's not a quiet worm looking for a crack in the walls or a battering ram, but someone knocking at the door of her castle, having crossed the moat. ]
[ It is a precious set of people, who make it there. Perhaps they can't be friends, or more than allies. He doubts he can build her a citadel, or she for him — they aren't safe people to be around. But a harbour, yes. Where the winds are light, the sea is calm. A temporary place, one of respite. ]
[ He doesn't quite smile. But the fall into comfortable silence says enough. ]
[ it is and isn’t about that. they’re not kind or gentle people, not harmless by any stretch of the imagination— but there’s something to be said for understanding and acknowledging someone else’s harsh edges and sharpness. it’s not safe, but it’s something.
these are lessons khlyen never taught her. (she wonders, sometimes, if bruce had a khlyen or how he came to be who he is.
the silence is comfortable and dutch lets it stretch. ]
Did you do this at home? [ she asks eventually. ‘this’ could be anything. ]
[ he holds knives that she’s handed him, that he could twist inside her. this? she thinks this is a bucket instead.
a family. dutch has johnny. she had khlyen, father figure and mentor and someone she’s loved and hated in near equal measure. someone who’s always manipulated her. ]
They’re asleep? [ is that loading the gun? her tone is softer than usual, but only barely. she has no intention of shooting. ]
[ She has a family. She's come from somewhere, she's young, she has a future. Maybe her life — like Cassandra's — will never be easy or safe. But she'd fight. ]
They're safe.
[ There's a current of relief. He'll never not be glad they're at least here, where he can look from the outside without worry — that they won't have memories of being in the stasis rooms. Everything else that he's done, maybe they can face it, he doesn't know. ]
[ she didn’t always have a family.she didn’t know where she came from for so long, pieces of her khlyen had held hostage. she doesn’t think she has a future because the war can only end with her dead, one way or another — but aneela isn’t here and there’s no war. at least none that hinges on dutch killing the person she’s face she’s wearing and herself with her.
maybe all he thinks is true. ]
Been busy. [ it’s a joke. an out, too, if he wants it. ]
[ so she does. her place is small, but there's a firepit on the roof she's been using to roast whatever she catches and there's always some beer and whiskey. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Teasing her right back. ]
Could it be you're getting fond?
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there's a horribly soft part inside her, warm and molten because of johnny jaqobis and his softness, the way he wants to help and help and help, all give and no take. (johnny's learned to take now and dutch has learned to give and it works.) she can turn that part off, of course she can, but -- she doesn't always.
when it comes to those that are hers, she doesn't. ]
Ouch. [ it's a reminder of failure to stick to khlyen's lessons and the little girl who wanted to make her tutor proud is genuinely hurt. scared of the repercussions.
the woman she's become? not so much. ] No need to get insulting.
[ the answer is yes. ]
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[ It is a precious set of people, who make it there. Perhaps they can't be friends, or more than allies. He doubts he can build her a citadel, or she for him — they aren't safe people to be around. But a harbour, yes. Where the winds are light, the sea is calm. A temporary place, one of respite. ]
[ He doesn't quite smile. But the fall into comfortable silence says enough. ]
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these are lessons khlyen never taught her. (she wonders, sometimes, if bruce had a khlyen or how he came to be who he is.
the silence is comfortable and dutch lets it stretch. ]
Did you do this at home? [ she asks eventually. ‘this’ could be anything. ]
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[ There's another silence. It's inky, measures out, like a thread. They aren't friends, but — ]
With my family.
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a family. dutch has johnny. she had khlyen, father figure and mentor and someone she’s loved and hated in near equal measure. someone who’s always manipulated her. ]
They’re asleep? [ is that loading the gun? her tone is softer than usual, but only barely. she has no intention of shooting. ]
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They're safe.
[ There's a current of relief. He'll never not be glad they're at least here, where he can look from the outside without worry — that they won't have memories of being in the stasis rooms. Everything else that he's done, maybe they can face it, he doesn't know. ]
Two boys, and a girl.
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maybe all he thinks is true. ]
Been busy. [ it’s a joke. an out, too, if he wants it. ]
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[ She offers an out, ]
We should do this again.
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Let's. Can't have you getting rusty.
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An utter impossibility.
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[ outright grinning now. ]
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[ He flashes her a quick smile. ]
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then: ] I got more meat than I can eat on my own. Want some? [ girl's gone hunting. ]
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Lead the way.
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